new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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