I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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