Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
