ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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