Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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