i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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