I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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