I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize