I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
