Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
