I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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