he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
