I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
