he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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