what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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