So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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