oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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