he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
