I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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