You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
