its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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