the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
