i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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