no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
