Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
