Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
