I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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