Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
