i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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