when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
