Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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