You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
