sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
