I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
