Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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