Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
