dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
