Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
