If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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