I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
