my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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