apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
