dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
