if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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