R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
