I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the day after is always just damage control
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
