My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
