it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
