this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
