Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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