My nipple is on Facebook.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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