If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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