so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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