First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
