Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
