don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
