This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
