Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
