he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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