I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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