my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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