i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
