Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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