Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
