was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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