you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
