i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.