I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"