halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.