You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it