did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love having hate sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My feet surprised me
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
