Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
