I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize