if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
