All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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