there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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