i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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