well I can't set my house on fire every night
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
