Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
