His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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