He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
